Big Brother Yu Gi OH
by PsychoStitch
Summary: Watch as a bunch of characters from Yu GI Oh "try" to survive with each other for over 100,000! Death! Bashing! Humor! Puchuus! Cussing! Axe Murdering! MWHAAAAHAAAA! Many chapters but read it if you want to laugh your pancreas out!
1. Big Brother Yu Gi Oh 1

**Big Brother Special!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of Big Brother or Yu Gi Oh! I wish I did but I'll keep dreaming! Curse those Millionares!

Thanks for tuning in Big Brother/Yu Gi Oh fans. I know you all have been waiting for this! If you have no idea what the game Big Brother is then I will fill you in. 16 of our favorite duelist will be put in the Big Brother House – Yugi, Joey, Tea, Tristan, Mai, Serenity, Bakura, Kaiba, Duke, Ishizu, Marick, Weevil, Bandit Keith, Pegasus, Odion, and Mako (I might have over did it by saying "favorite". Who in their right minds would like Weevil?). In this house all our duelist will be competing for food, luxuries, and the famous Head of Household. Every week the duelist will have one chance to compete for food for that week. If they fail they will be stuck eating PB&J the entire week. Also, each week they will compete for a luxury such as the hot tub or the pool to keep for the entire time while in the house. Every week there will be a Head of Household (HOH) competition. This person will act as the house "leader". As HOH, the person must pick two house member to put on the chopping block for eviction. However, there is the infamous Power of Veto competition. The person who wins this can use the veto to take one of the nominees off of the chopping block. At the end of the week everyone in the house will go to the Diary Room to cast their vote for which of the two nominees they wish to see leave the house. The Diary Room is a private room where each person will go to be interviewed or give their vote or if something extremely special comes up for a player. HOH also gets the HOH personal room w/ special things. Now that I have given you all the details, let the game begin!

"Hi! I am the host of Big Brother, Mokuba Kaiba! I guess the narrator already filled you in on the basics of this weekly competitive game. As you know there will be 16 duelist in the house. They are fighting to be the last one standing in the house. The winner gets $500,000.00 and any trip of their choice around the world. The second place winner will receive $100,000.00 as their prize. With that said lets get our guest into the house. They have all been brought here by themselves and have no idea who else will be in the house. The first eight are being led to the front of the house now. They are not aloud to speak until they are in the house."

_Camera shoots to the front of the Big Brother House (which by the way is huge)_

Yugi, Mai, Pegasus, Serenity, Mako, Weevil, Tristan, and Ishizu walk to the front of the house carrying three bags each. They set them down and stand in front of the house looking towards the hovering camera. Mokuba steps out of the interview dome that sits in front of the house entrance.

"Hey guys! As you know, none of you are aloud to speak until you enter the house. Take a look at everyone standing here. These will be your house mates for the next four months unless you evict them."

Mai shot her eyes at Weevil. "_How can they let little roaches in the house like him_," she thought.

Mako shot his eyes over at Mai. "_Time to get my groove on_," thought Mako as nasty thoughts ran through his head.

"Alright guys. There are five bedrooms in the house. Each with beds. Some have less than others and some are made a little different. We have selected the first four to enter randomly. Yugi, Mai, Mako, and Ishizu will be the first four to enter. You will have thirty seconds to find a bedroom and claim a bed. Please pick up your bags and enter now."

Mai, Yugi, Mako, and Ishizu picked up their bags and entered the house. They began to run through the house. Mai saw a big blue door in one of the hallways.

"Yugi! I think I found one! Come here," screamed Mai as she pushed the heavy door open. Yugi ran around the corner only to run into Mako who was trying to snag a room with Mai for his own personal pleasures. They both fell in the floor knocking their luggage everywhere. Mai ran back out of the room and picked Yugi up around the waist and stuck him under her arm. She ran back into the room throwing him at one of the three single beds.

"Claim that damn bed! I will not share a room with bug face," screamed Mai as she locked the door and put a chair, a mattress, a fish tank, a trashcan, a hummer, and a yak in front of the door to keep Weevil away.

"Mai. There is still one bed left. We have to leave it for someone," said Yugi as he pulled all the stuff away from the door.

Ishizu had found a room that had only two beds in it. They were queens but were apparently made for two people to sleep in. Ishizu laid her luggage next to the bed and sat on the bed. Mako busted up into the room.

"How 'bout sharing a bed with this sexy beast," howled Mako. Ishizu looked at Mako in a confused way. She had never had someone hit on her before.

"_I hope he doesn't think I'm going to be his sex monkey while I'm here_," Ishizu thought.

"I guess we can share a bed," said Ishizu reluctantly.

Mako threw his luggage at the foot of the bed and hopped on the bed. He just looked into Ishizu's eyes. Ishizu got off the bed and gave a look of disgust at Mako. She walked around the bed and bent down to talk to him.

"If you try anything with me while I'm in this bed I will cut your penis off and serve to the other guest for breakfast. Understand," said Ishizu with a grin on her face.

Mako's face turned white. His skin felt like it was melting. He began to wonder if he had made a smart decision. He now knew that he would have to watch every move he made when he went to sleep. If he didn't they could be eating "sausage of the sea" in the morning.

Back In Front of the House 

"Alright guys. That means you are the last four to enter the house. Get your luggage and get the hell out of here," said Mokuba as he motioned for them to go. The last four duelist- Pegasus, Serenity, Tristan, and Weevil - picked up their luggage and walked into the house.

"Mai! Where are you Mai," screamed Serenity as she entered the house. Weevil pushed Serenity into the floor as he began to run through the house. Weevil laughed diabollicaly as he searched for a room. Tristan helped Serenity off the floor. Pegasus began to walk through the house with his limp wrist (if you know what I'm hinting at). Mai cracked the door to look out because she had heard Serenity. Mai saw Weevil come running down the hallway. She shut the door so fast she slammed her fingers in the door.

"Damn it,' she screamed as she opened the door to retrieve her half broken hand. She waited until she heard the psychotics laughter fade. She peeked out the door to see Tristan and Serentiy walking down the hallway. Mai threw the door open and ripped Serenity out of the hallway and into her and Yugi's room.

"Sorry Tristan! Go find another room. There are no vacancies here,' hollered Mai as she slammed her fingers in the door again. She cursed loudly and retrieved her hand. Tristan went to the next door down where the door was already opened. He walked in to see that Pegasus had already claimed one bed. There were two beds left and he grabbed one. Pegasus began to undress Tristan with his eyes. Tristan turned to see that Pegasus was looking at him in an odd way.

"_Don't freak out Tristan. He had a wife. He has to be straight_," Tristan told himself.

"Well viewers, we have our first eight duelist in the house. Now we have to bring the last eight duelist in. Just like the first eight they do not know who is here and they cannot talk until they are in the house. They also have no idea that I, Mokuba Kaiba, am the host."

The next eight duelist walked from a hidden area to the front of the house. Joey, Tea, Bakura, Kaiba, Duke, Yami Marick, Odion, and Bandit Keith were the next to enter the house. They waited outside the house. They all looked around to see who was there. Bakura made eye contact with Yami Marick. Yami Bakura emerged. Yami Bakura wanted to intimidate Yami Marick. Bakura also wanted Marick's Millennium Rod and he knew that he had a good chance of swiping it while in the house.

"Alright guys, you are the final eight to enter. There are already eight people in the house so you have to share rooms with them. Our computers have selected the next four people to enter at random. The four shall be Kaiba, Bakura, Marick, and Tea. Please get your bags and enter the house."

The four grabbed there bags and headed for the door. Tea led the way. They entered the house and began to look for rooms. Tea walked through the kitchen and turned down the hallway to her right.

She tried opening a big blue door but it wouldn't budge. She did hear someone on the other side, however, cussing about a broken hand. Tea walked on to the next door which was on her left. She looked in to see Weevil Underwood jumping on a bed. Tea screamed and turned to run and ran into the wall. She got up and looked to see a room exactly across from the one Weevil was in. She opened the door to see one HUGE bed. It had three sets of pillows in it which meant it was made for three people. Tea decided to stay here. Meanwhile, Marick had found the room his sister, Ishizu, was in.

"Hello Ishizu," growled Marick. Ishizu turned from Mako to see her brother Marick standing in the doorway. She gasped in disbelief. She had no idea that she would find him here.

"What do you want Marick," demanded Ishizu. Marick glared at her.

"I'm just here to claim that other bed. I pity the soul who decides to bunk with me in the bed. I plan to rape the poor unfortunate soul just because I am that evil," cackled Marick. Ishizu put her hand over her mouth in utter disgust. She knew her brother was low but not that low. He threw his bags against the wall and sprawled out on the bed and rubbed his rod (The Millennium Rod you PERVS)! Back in the hallways Bakura was still looking for a room. He knew he would not stay in the same room with Marick if his life depended on it. Bakura happened to see Tea in the one bed room and entered. He decided to take his chances in the one bed for three. However, he wasn't to thrilled to be sleeping with Tea.

"Hey Bakura," said Tea with a smile on her face as usual. Bakura returned her smile with one as well.

"I guess we have to share that big bed," laughed Bakura.

Kaiba strutted through the hallway with the stench of his ego floating through the house. He picked a room randomly and it was the room that Pegasus and Tristan were staying in. Kaiba took the last bed in the room and plopped on it.

Return to the Front of the House 

"Alright Joey, Duke, Odion, and Keith. You can go in now," said Mokuba as he walked away.

The four ran into the house. Duke took the last spot with Bakura and Tea. Bandit Keith and Odion decide to take their chances with Weevil in that room. Joey looked around from room to room. Joey walked into the room with Ishizu, Mako, and Marick. Joey looked to see that Ishizu had already taken a bed with Mako. That meant he had to sleep with (GULP) Marick! Marick flashed back to his thoughts about the person who would be bunking with him. Joey put his bags down and made his way to his side of the bed. Joey sat down softly as if the bed had the plague (Marick is the Plague)! Ishizu glared at Marick as if to give him a nonverbal warning that she would kick his ass if he touched Joey. Marick shrugged it off and walked to the living room.

"Alright viewers! We have all of them in the house together! Tune in next time for the food and luxury competition. Then we will have their HOH competition. What will it be? Like I said tune in next fuckin' time and you'll find out. I bet you never heard a 6 year old cuss huh? Well, fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm Mokuba fuckin' Kaiba and I'll see ya next fuckin' time. Fuck off!"

I, the narrator, will post the next episode as soon as possible! Hang in there if you like it!


	2. Big Brother Yu Gi Oh 2

**Big Brother Special (2) **

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Gi Oh or Big Brother. Nor do I own Excel Saga, which is mentioned in this fic. IM RUNNING! WE'RE CHASING!

"Welcome back viewers! It's me again, Mokuba fuckin' Kaiba. I think I'm developing turrets syndrome because I have this cussing habit and I never had it before. Shit monkey! Ok, lets get back in the house with the cameras and see how our house guest are doing."

Camera shoots to the kitchen 

Everyone came out of their rooms and was in the kitchen. Mai noticed that Weevil had stuck his head in the refrigerator door looking for food of some sort. Mai decided this was the perfect chance to give that little flea a little torture. Mai casually walked by the refrigerator and smacked the refrigerator door with her hip, slamming Weevil's head in the door.

"Ouch! Who was that," screamed Weevil as he ripped his half crushed head out of the refrigerator. Everyone looked at Weevil because they had no idea what had just happened. Mai bit her bottom lip trying not to laugh.

Flash to Mai in the Diary Room 

" I can't stand Weevil! I never have, especially after what he did to Yugi's Exodia cards on the ship to Duelist Kingdom. I mean wouldn't you be freaked out if you had to live with a green haired midget that would possibly murder everyone when they go to bed tonight. He doesn't belong here and if I get HOH he will be the first one gone. I don't like that Marick is here either. The last time we had an encounter the asshole sent my brain to the Shadow Realm so I have beef with that crack head too."

Flash back into the kitchen 

A voice comes over the intercom in the house. Everyone stops talking to realize that it is Mokuba.

"Hey everyone! Go to hell! It's Mokuba! It's time for the damn food competition so take your ass in the back yard"

Everyone looked at each other in a confused way. They had never heard Mokuba talk like this.

"The way Mokuba sounds, I think were going in the back yard to be shot," said Serenity as she took a deep breath. Tea put her arm around Serenity to lead her outside. Everyone made their way into the back yard for the first time. Everyone was amazed. The back yard had many lawn chairs and even a hammock. There was also a swimming pool and a hot tub, but for some reason there were fences locked down on top of them so no one could enter. They also looked to see that in the middle of the yard they had a trampoline and there were two weight benches. Tristan looked over to one of the chairs that had a big white envelope that said "Food Competition." Tristan opened it and began reading it.

"House guest. As you know every week you will compete for food. Take a look towards the back of your backyard." Everyone looked to the back only to see a huge pool of mud!

"Only eight house guest will compete for the households food. Computer selected it and the eight will be Tea, Mai, Mako, Tristan, Weevil, Bandit Keith, Pegasus, and Ishizu. You will need to put on your bathing suits and make your way to the mud pool. Once there each of you will get into the mud pool one at a time until everyone is in. All of you will have 60 seconds to dig in the humongous mud pool for balls at the bottom of the pool that have the name of food on them. When the bell rings you must stop and exit the pool with your net bag that is filled with the balls. Then we will see what we'll be eating for the week." Tristan put the letter down and went inside to change with the other seven competitors. Everyone changed and took their places at the end of the pool. Mako couldn't take his eyes off of Tea, Mai, and Ishizu who were all in hot pink bikinis.

"Alright, first in will be Weevil," said Tristan, since Weevil was at the head of the line. Mai grinned. As Weevil went to stick his foot in the mud, Mai drew back and punched Weevil in the back of the head, which sent Weevil flying into the mud headfirst. Everyone bursted into laughter. Mai couldn't help laughing either. Weevil stood up in the mud, which came up to his neck.

"I'm going to drown in this pile of crap," screamed Weevil as he struggled to keep his head above the mud. Everyone else hopped into the mud. Mai jumped in and landed on top of Weevil, sending him to the bottom of the pool. Everyone held their bags ready for the bell to start the competition. Yugi walked over to the timer and pulled the rope. The bell rang and the duelist scurried through the pool for balls. Joey looked to the end of the pool to see Tea and Mai beating Weevil's head into the side of the pool.

"Hey ladies! Quit killing the pest and get me some food," hollered Joey. Mai and Tea let go of Weevils unkempt hair and dove down into the mud. Bandit Keith was leading the way with 6 balls already in his bag. He had no idea what they said because they were covered in mud. Ishizu raced frantically through the mud pit. She went under the mud to get a ball.

"I have a ball," screamed Ishizu as she emerged from bottom of the mud. As she pulled the extremely heavy ball up the others were racing for food. Ishizu pulled it to the top only to see that it was Weevil's puny head.

"Nothing of importance," said Ishizu as she shoved Weevil back in the mud. Tea was running about in the pool like she was a chicken with her head cut off.

"I have a ball," screamed Tea as she jerked it off the bottom of the pool. Mai went under the mud when Tea did this. Tea pulled it up to see it was a foot.

"That is my foot damn it," hollered Mai as she bitch slapped Tea. Tea fell in the mud. Tea and Mai began to mud wrestle. Tea bit Mai on the arm. Mai countered the bite by elbowing Tea in the eye. Tea loosened her jaws. Mai grabbed Tea by the head and began beating Tea's head into the side of the pool.

Flash to Joey in the Diary Room 

"Mai was fierce out there today. She didn't get too many balls but I loved watching her beat the hell out of Tea! I've never seen anything so funny in my life. Except maybe when Mai slammed Weevil's head in the refrigerator door. The food competition was good but I wish I had been in it."

Flash back to Mud Pool 

Pegasus just stood in the pool and watched everyone fight for balls. These were not the kind of balls Pegasus wanted. Pegasus just watched as everyone hurried frantically to beat the clock.

"Help! I'm choking on mud," screamed Tea as she waived her arms around. Weevil swam past her shoving her head under the mud further. Mako took the lead with 9 balls in his bag. Bandit Keith was second with 7 balls. Tristan had 6, Ishizu also had 6, Mai had 4, Tea had 2, Weevil had 2, and Pegsy Chan had 0! The group went even faster with only 10 seconds left on the clock. Mai managed to grab two more balls from the bottom putting her at 6. Mako swan dived to the bottom picking up 4 at one time putting him at 13. Tea snatched a ball out of Weevil's bag and shoved Weevil back in the mud. Ishizu slipped on Weevil who was at the bottom. Ishizu resurfaced with one more ball in her hand. She now had 7 balls. The bell rang. Everyone stopped swimming and climbed out of the pool. Yugi took everyone's bag and took the bags to a fountain that was stationed at the end of the pool of mud. Yugi took Weevil's bag first and began to rinse the one ball.

"You managed to get us …ugh," gulped Yugi, "you got us chocolate covered ants!"

Weevil jumped in excitement. Tristan elbowed Weevil in the mouth, which sent him backwards into the mud pool once more (a yellow Hummer drops from the sky, squashing Weevil).Yugi took the other bags and began to rinse them. In all they had 43 balls. They had things such as fried chicken, salad, hamburgers, yak testicles, Popsicles, beer, soda, Gatorade, beef, pork chops, duck, shrimp, and lots of other random things. The eight went inside to wash off. Weevil crawled out from under the hummer and limped inside. He went to get in the shower. Mai saw this and ran to the shower in her bathing suit before he could get there. She jumped in, cutting Weevil off.

"Hey! I was going to get in there," screamed Weevil. Mai ripped the shower curtain off the pole. She walked over to Weevil and wrapped the shower curtain around his neck and began to strangle him.

_Flash to Weevil in the Diary room (who by the way has bunches of bruises on his face)_

"Mai is crazy! Look at all the things that bitch did to my face. She even made a hummer fall on me somehow. I think she has a pact with Satan to kill me. I have to get HOH and put that psycho blonde out of here."

Flash to the Bathroom 

Mai pulled the curtain harder around Weevil's neck. His face turned blue and he began to foam at the mouth. Mako walked in to see Mai suffocating Weevil.

"Mai! Chill out babe," screamed Mako as he pulled Mai off of Weevil. Weevil ran into the shower and began to clean the mud off. Mai sat on the edge of the bathtub to calm her nerves and the vessel that was about to explode in her forehead. Everyone had their turn I the shower. Everyone was excited and gathered in the kitchen to put the new food away. The intercom came on again.

"What you bitches doin? This is Mokuba you ass lickers. Time for the luxury competition. Go into the backyard."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and made their way to the back yard. They all stopped to see a humongous court in the middle of the yard. On the court there were six men dressed in red suits. One of the men threw an envelope at Yugi. Yugi opened it.

"Welcome to the luxury competition duelist. Remember that old school game called dodge ball? Well get ready to play it again. Six houseguest have been chosen at random to play in this dodge ball tournament. You will be playing to win the key to unlock the pool and the hot tub. Will Kaiba, Marick, Tea, Joey, Yugi, and Serenity please make your way to the dodge ball field."

Yugi put down the letter and scaled the steps to the elevated dodge ball field. The other five followed behind him. The six houseguest positioned themselves on their side of the field. A bell rang and the game began. One of the red players reached behind his back and pulled out a brick. He scoped the targets.

"Friendship will get us through this game. Just remember your frie..." Tea was interrupted as the brick collided with her head knocking her completely off of the playing field and crashing 20 feet below into the ground. Marick laughed uncontrollably. The Reds threw one ball at Yugi, who hit the ground barely bypassing the ball. The Reds threw their next ball at Marick. Marick withdrew his Millennium Rod and hit the ball with it. The ball flew back towards the Reds. But for some reason it was glowing purple. It hit one of the Reds and the man completely vanished. The other houseguest watched from below.

"Where did that guy go," asked Mako as he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Marick sent him to the Shadow Realm," said Mai as Mako and the others looked at her.

"I remember that purple glow. It was the last thing I saw before Marick sent me to the Shadow Realm in our last duel. That crack head is back to his old games again," said Mai as she gave Marick the finger. Marick looked at Mai and laughed. Although Marick looked away only for a second he got nailed…by a crowbar! Marick came flying from the 20-foot platform and landed on top of Tea.

_Flash to Marick in the Diary Room (with ice bag held to his head)_

"I should have known better than to look away from those damn Reds. That crowbar hurt like hell! At least I sent one of those fags to the Shadow Realm. It's all Mai's fault. I'll break that damn finger when I see it again."

Flash back to Dodge Ball 

Serenity picked up the crowbar that hit Marick. She found her target. Serenity closed her eyes, drew back her arm, and threw the crowbar as hard as she could across the court. The crowbar flew through the air. It impacted with the back of Seto Kaiba's head. Kaiba stumbled around on the field. He turned and looked at Serenity with a drunken stare. Serenity's eyes welled up with tears.

"Thanks a lot you dumb bi.." Kaiba passed out and fell off the court right on top of the caged swimming pool (insert falling elephant from the sky).

"Way to go sis," screamed Joey as he picked up the brick that hit Tea. Joey threw it across the field and hit one of the Reds in the nuts. The Red fell from the court on top of the elephant. Yugi looked down to see a machete laying on the side of the court. Yugi picked it up and flung it across the field, decapitating a Red. That left three members on each side. Serenity began to panic.

"Do we really have to do this just to win that stupid pool and hot tub," asked Serenity as a rabid Yak ran across the court knocking Serenity off the field, across the ground, through the back door, and back into the house. Joey watched as a deformed cow violated his sister. Joey walked over to the yak and broke its neck, shoving it off the field. Joey looked around the field. His eyes widened.

"Look Yug! A grenade," laughed Joey. Joey pulled the pin and threw it across the field.

"Joey! Your supposed to throw the grenade not the pin," screamed Yugi as he ducked and covered his head. Joey looked down at the grenade and bit the inside of his cheek. The grenade exploded throwing Joey off the field and he flew into the backyard creating a huge crater. Joey crawled out of the crater all burnt and smoked.

"I think I would have preferred the yak," moaned Joey as he passed out. Yugi looked at the three Reds that stood across the field. Yugi fueled with anger.

"O.k! Cue the hummer that squashed Weevil earlier," screamed Yugi (a giant yellow hummer falls from the sky squashing the opponents). The elephant and yak disappeared because I said so. So do the mud pit and the court. Yugi helped his friends off the ground except Kaiba and Marick. He kicked them in the head. Everyone went inside to see a key setting on the kitchen table.

Tea grabbed it.

"Yay! Like I said, friendship will get you through any problem," cheered Tea as she jumped up and down. Pegasus pulled a gun from his pocket and shot Tea in the forehead. Her brain splattered across the kitchen wall.

"Pegasus, please come to the Diary Room now," a voice said over the intercom. Pegasus went to the Diary Room. Mokuba took the gun from Pegasus.

"You will not get the luxuries this week because you did that. Now we have to call up Excel Saga so they send the Great Macrocosom over to bring Tea back to life," said Mokuba as he sent Pegasus out of the Diary Room. Pegasus saw the Great Macrocosm reviving Tea. Tea went outside and unlocked the hot tub and pool.

Flash to Pegasus in Diary Room 

"I think Tea deserved that. I mean how often do you get to put a bullet through her head? I savored the moment (laughs diabolically). Maybe I can persuade Mai to crush Tea's head in the fridge next time.__

"Well as you can see you mother fuckers, our guest got their luxuries. Tune in next time you turd eaters for the HOH competition. This is Mokuba fuckin' Kaiba signing off."

I hope you enjoyed it! I did a lot of Tea bashing and Weevil bashing for all you Tea/Weevil haters! Sorry if I offended anybody in the making of this fic, but as Mokuba would say, "shut the fuck up and pay attention!" Thanks for reading this fic. Tune in for the next episode. Coming Soon!__


	3. Big Brother Yu Gi Oh 3

**Big Brother Special (3)**

**Disclaimer: **Why did I put this stupid thing on here?! I don't own Yu Gi Oh and I don't own Big Brother! Nor do I own any other anime mentioned in this fic like Excel Saga and Sailor Moon.

"Hey there fuck bags! It's me again, the oh so cute Mokuba Kaiba. Big big titis! Sorry. I've composed myself. Lets take a look inside the house."

Flash to the Bathroom 

Mai and Bakura sit on the edges of the toilet inside the bathroom with the door shut. Mai decided to take the first chance and try to form an alliance with Bakura since they both had a common enemy, Marik.

"I think that if you an I team up that we can put Marik out of this house," whispered Mai. Bakura nodded his head.

"Sounds good to me but we also have to look out for Odion and Bandit Keith. I have a feeling that they will form an alliance with Marik if they haven't already. Also, Weevil could possibly team up with them. That would put four of them in an alliance. That's a fourth of the household. I also fear that Marik will use that blasted rod to influence people in this house, even you and I. My ring will warn me and protect me from his influence but you are defenseless of his powers." Mai wiped the sweat from her hands on her skirt. There was a knock on the stall door of the toilet. Bakura and Mai jumped.

"Mai? Are you in there Mai," asked Serenity as she pounded on the stall door. Mai opened the door and grabbed Serenity by the arm and ran out of the bathroom with her. Mai knew the last thing she needed was for someone to see her making possible alliances. Bakura walked out of the bathroom and into his room where Duke sat on the bed.

"HOH tournament is today," said Duke in concern.

"It's only our first day here and they want to hold the HOH competition already. I may be the master of Dungeon Dice but I am no master of HOH." Bakura didn't know what to say. Bakura turned and walked out of the room.

Flash to the Swimming Pool 

Tea, Yugi, and Joey decided to enjoy the pool.

"I'm going to grab a drink guys. Do you want one," asked Tea as she got out of the side of the pool. Tea grabbed a towel and began to dry off. Over in the corner, Weevil and Keith sat in the shadows.

"Watch this," said Keith as he picked up the white plastic lawn chair. Keith held it over his head and chucked it across the patio. The chair flew through the air, smacking Tea off her feet and into the pool on top of Joey.

"What the hell is your problem," screamed Joey as he wiped the water from his eyes. Tea came up from under the water. She looked around in a confused manner.

"Sorry Joey! Somebody shot at me with a rocket launcher and I was just dodging it," laughed Tea. Tea got back out of the pool.

"Now to go get me a drink out of the toaster," said Tea as she walked inside. Yugi looked confused.

"Aren't drinks in the refrigerator," Yugi asked Joey. Joey shrugged his shoulders.

"I always knew she was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Did her parents ever tell you that she was in Special Ed from first to sixth grade? She was in there because, I think her parents said, she thought she was a dog. They would come home to find her eating out of the dog food bag or in the corner of the kitchen chewing on chicken bones. Even when they tried to potty train her she wouldn't use the toilet. She would go outside and get the newspaper from the mailbox. She would open up the newspaper right there on the side of the road and pull her pants down and pea or crap on it. Then she would fold it up and stick it back in the mailbox because she knew her dad liked to check the mail every morning. Her parents finally told the mail man to stop putting the newspaper in the mailbox because their daughter defecated on it." Yugi's mouth hung open in disbelievement. Tea opened the back door.

"Is the phone ringing," yelled Tea at Joey and Yugi. Joey turned to Tea.

"There's no phone in this house Tea," replied Joey. Tea shrugged her shoulders.

"Does anyone know how to get the toaster to work," yelled Tea. Again Joey turned to Tea in frustration.

"Take the toaster in the bathroom, okay? Fill the tub up with water and plug the toaster into the outlet next to the tub. Then get in the tub and ask Weevil to throw the toaster in the water with you. It should work then," said Joey as he hopped out of the pool.

"Okay! Thanks for that helpful tip Joey! Why didn't I think of that," said Tea as she grabbed the toaster and ran to the bathroom. Joey clenched his teeth not to laugh. A few minutes passed and Mai walked out of the house into the backyard.

"Does anyone know why the hell Tea is trying to take a bath with the toaster? Did anyone tell her you can get electrocuted and die that way? Well," asked Mai with her hands on her hips. Joey tried to hide that he was the one who had told Tea to do it. A grin sneaked out from Joey's lips.

"I knew you had to be the one who put her up to that. She is so damn stupid. I bet she was in the special ed at school too," said Mai as she ran back inside to watch Tea fry herself in the bathtub. Mai ran to bathroom hoping she wasn't to late to see the action. Mai ran into the bathroom to see Tea sitting in he bathtub filled with water and bubbles.

"Oh! Hi Mai. I'm just making the toaster work," said Tea as she shoved the toaster into the bath with her. The toaster fell into the water and began to spark. Blue and yellow sparks spread throughout the tub. Tea began to jerk violently and her hair began to smoke.

"Whhhhhy am I being electrocuted," screamed Tea as her eyes exploded from her head. Weevil and Keith entered the bathroom at the last moment to catch the end of the action. They fell on the floor and laughed until they cried.

"Who the hell said you could laugh at her," asked Mai as she picked up the clothes iron and threw it at Keith and Weevil. The iron flew through the air and landed on top of Weevil's head. Keith ran from the bathroom. Weevil ran from the bathroom holding his head.

"You crazy bitch," screamed Weevil as he ran away.

"Keep running," screamed Mai in return. Mai walked over to the bathtub and looked in at Tea's fried body.

"Yo! Mokuba! Send the Microwave or Macaroni thing that brings people back to life," hollered Mai. The Great Macrocosm appeared on the scene reviving Tea. Tea crawled out of the bathtub and grabbed the toaster.

"I guess I need to buy batteries for this thing," said Tea as she walked out of the bathroom. Mai followed behind her. Everyone sat inside the living room waiting for the HOH competition. Mokuba's voice came over the intercom.

"Okay you dip shits, its time for the HOH competition. Before you head out back, everyone needs to pair up with someone. What are you sitting there for?! Get your crusty asses up and get a partner!"

Everyone looked around at each other. Tea jumped off the couch and ran to Mai.

"Let's be partners Mai! What do you think," asked Tea. Mai looked at Tea.

"I wish you would die," replied Mai. (Tea's head explodes)!

"Damn it! I wish you guys would quit dieing! Every time the Macrocosm has to bring one of you back to life I have to pay her out of by drug money. I guess I'm going to have to skip a week of buying my crack," said Mokuba. (Macrocosm brings Tea back to life again).

"What happened," asked Tea. (Tea explodes).

"God Damnit! What did I just say! I'm going to have to sell my body for sex just to pay the Macrocosm," screamed Mokuba (Maocrocosm revives Tea) (Tea explodes).

"Who keeps doing that," screamed Mokuba. Odion looks toward the microphone in the ceiling.

"I think the narrator keeps making her explode," said Odion.

"Narrator! Please stop! I beg of you," cried Mokuba. (Macrocosm restores Tea once again). Tea looked around the living room.

"What happened to me," Tea asked. (Tea explodes) -!

**Narrator**: Sorry guys but she asked what happened so I just demonstrated it again. I promise I wont make her explode again. Get on with the story! (Macrocosm revives Tea again).

Everyone looked at Tea and walked away from her in fear that she would explode again. Tea ran over to Mai and grabbed her by the arm.

"So Mai, do you want to be my partner," asked Tea with a big grin on her face. Mai glared at Tea.

"About as much as a toothache," replied Mai. Tea jumped for joy because she had a partner. Serenity walked over to her big brother, Joey.

"Will you be my partner, big brother," asked Serenity. (Serenity explodes)!

"What happened to my sister?! I bet the narrator meant to blow up Tea. Narrator! Please bring back my sister," screamed Joey. Joey waited for his sister to come back. (Macrocosm revives Serenity). Serenity partnered with Joey. Ishizu decided she might as well be a partner with her roommate Mako. Bandit Keith and Weevil paired. Duke and Tristan decided to be partners for the HOH competition. Bakura decided he would be at a good chance if he partnered with Yugi. Odion knew that Kaiba was a strong player and he made Kaiba his partner. That left only Marik and Pegasus. Marik didn't like the idea that he would have to pair with Pegasus, but he had no other choice.

"Please take your retarded asses out back please. Thank you very much," said Mokuba.

Everyone walked outside only to see eight treadmills lined up in a row. Behind them there was a huge in-ground tank filled with battery acid.

"What the hell is that," exclaimed Marik with his eyes widened. Tea jumped up and down raising her hand in the air to answer Mariks question.

"Those things are called wheelchairs and that is a big tub of Gatorade behind them," screamed Tea. (Tea explodes)! Mai, Joey, and Marik laughed hysterically.

"Shut up! That's supposed to be my girlfriend," cried Yugi. Yugi scrambled across the yard to pick up Tea's skull and pancreas.

"I'm getting tired of the fuckin' narrator! Quit pickin' on my house guest," screamed Mokuba. (Bunch of rabid puchuus stab Mokuba to death with forks)!

**Narrator**: Think twice before you open your mouth Mokuba! That goes for all of you! As long as you are in this house and in this fic I am God! I hold your fate! Oh! I haven't dealt punishment on you yet Marik! (A giant hamster appears and eats Marik)! Now that I have had my fun I will let the Macrocosm bring all of them back to life. (Macrocosm resurrects Marik, Mokuba, and Tea).

Kaiba finds a letter posted on one of the treadmills.

"Houseguest! You are probably asking yourself what is this bizarre set up! One houseguest will take his or her place on the treadmill while the other stands in front of the treadmill. The person in front of the treadmill will be asked a series of question, which will get harder each time. If the person answers the question correctly the pace of the treadmill will stay the same for their teammate. If the question is answered incorrectly the treadmill will speed up to the next level. If you fall off, you and your partner will be eliminated from the competition. Be warned houseguest! That is a pool of battery acid that sets behind the treadmills. Fall off and you could possibly die! But what the heck! The last group to have their person running on the treadmill wins. The two people in that group will be asked a question, in which the answer will be a number. The person who guesses the closest to the correct answer will receive HOH. Houseguest! Please decide with your partner who will be answering the question and who will be running." Kaiba put the letter down.

"Tea! You're running. You remember how to do that don't you," asked Mai. Tea looked at Mai and smiled.

"Of course I remember how to fry eggs," replied Tea. Mai smacked Tea in the head.

"That's not what I asked you, you worthless turd," screamed Mai. Mai grabbed Tea off the ground and shoved her on the treadmill. Mai took her place in front of the treadmill and waited for the other houseguest to make their decisions.

"Joey, I'm not the best runner in the world," Serenity said to her brother. Joey hugged Serenity.

"Don't worry sis! I'll walk the treadmill. I trust you can answer a few simple questions. Besides, you're the brains of this duo and I'm the strength. If I fall off I'll just burn to death in a giant tub of battery acid. It's no big deal," said Joey as he hopped on the treadmill. Serenity stood in front of the treadmill and prayed that her brain worked right, to keep her brother safe.

"Mako, you will be the runner," Ishizu said.

"How come," asked Mako.

"Because I am smarter than you," replied Ishizu. Ishizu stood in front of the treadmill while Mako crawled on it.

"Alright Weevil, you're the runner of this operation," said Bandit Keith. Weevil gave Keith the look of hatred.

"Why me," asked Weevil in a voice that was even more annoying than it already is.

"Because I think the Narrator and the houseguest would rather see you burn to death viciously in a tub of battery acid than me," laughed Keith. Weevil just stood there and crossed his arms.

"Get your ass on that machine," yelled Keith as he picked Weevil up by the hair, slamming him face first into conveyer belt of the treadmill.

Pegasus and Marik stared at the treadmill.

"Marik you will be the runner because if I run I might tear my satin thong," said Pegasus. Marik stepped away from Pegasus.

"How did I get stuck with the fagot in this competition? Why do they always have to put a gay guy in this damn house," raged Marik as he stomped up and down.

"Fine Pegasus! I'll run but you better answer those questions right! Us villains have to stick together," Marik said. Pegasus smiled.

"How about we stick together tonight,' replied Pegasus. Marik stumbled backwards in disbelief of what he had just heard. Of course he was flattered that someone in this house found him attractive but why did it have to be Pegasus! Marik walked to the treadmill and took his place waiting for the competition to begin. Pegasus stood at the base of the treadmill admiring Marik's manly package. He fantasized about all the things he could do with Marcik and his rod.

"What the hell are you looking at Pegasus," demanded Marik as he looked down from the treadmill.

"You'r penis," retorted Pegasus.

"Did I just say that out loud," Pegasus asked. Marik gritted his teeth in rage and disgust.

"Back off you big fruitcake! You better not be using that Millennium eye of yours to look through my pants or I'll rip it out in the middle of the night," exclaimed Marik. Pegasus's face turned pale. He turned away from Marik. He desired to keep his eye intacted.

"Since you're an idiot Tristan, you'll be the runner," Duke said. Tristan got on the treadmill.

Yugi and Bakura had already decided who would be the runner. Since Yugi wasn't exactly the most athletic and his legs weren't very long Bakura decided Yugi should be the question answering person. Bakura only hoped his friend's brain had not been fried from all his duels with people like Pegasus and Marik.

"Okay tattoo face, get on the treadmill," Kaiba demanded Odion. Odion walked up to Kaiba placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Look rich kid! Just cuz you're little drug addicted, smart mouth little brother is the host of this show doesn't mean you are going to tell me, the Great Odion, what to do." Kaiba swiped Odion's hand away.

"I don't trust you. Your brain was fried by lightning and I bet that so called brain of yours will malfunction on me and send me into that tub of acid," said Kaiba as he stood in front of the treadmill refusing to move.

"You're such a little fag," replied Odion as he hopped on the treadmill. Mokuba came into the backyard through a door that was in the wall of the backyard.

"Okay houseguest, I will ask each of you individual questions. I will start with Mai. Start the treadmills," hollered Mokuba. All of the treadmills started. Everyone began to walk on there treadmill since it was only at level 1.

"Mai. What is the color of the sky?" Mai had the biggest and most sinister grin on her face. She planned to lose this HOH on purpose just so she could torture Tea.

"Clear!"

"I'm sorry Mai but that is the wrong answer. The correct answer was blue. Speed Tea up to level 2."

Tea began to walk at a face pace.

"Mai. How could you not know the right answer to that? I'm going to end up in that tub of Gatorade if we lose," said Tea as she began to break a sweat.

"Serenity. What color is the grass?"

"Um…Ummm…"

"I'm sorry Serenity but that is the wrong answer. The correct answer is green. Speed Joey up to level 2," said Mokuba as he walked to the next treadmill. Joey also began to walk in a fast pace.

"Don't sweat it sis! I'll be fine," said Joey as he walked the treadmill rapidly.

"Ishizu. What is the difference between a boy and a girl?"

"Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina," replied Ishizu.

"Exactly. Way to go Ishizu. Keep Mako at Level 1," Mokuba said as he walked to Weevil and Keith.

"Keith. Who is the President of the United States?"

"I think its Madonna," replied Keith. Weevil began to sprint on the treadmill.

"Why am I going this fast," screamed Weevil.

"Well I don't like you so I put your treadmill at level 8," replied Mokuba as he walked off to the next treadmill. Keith turned to look at his partner only to see Weevil slip off the treadmill and into the pool of battery acid. (A giant taco rises out of the acid and swallows Weevil)!

"Keith and Weevil have been knocked out of the HOH competition," said Mokuba as he approached Pegasus's treadmill.

"Pegasus. Are you gay?"

"No I am not," replied Pegasus. Marik began to walk faster on the treadmill.

"I'm sorry Pegasus but that was the incorrect answer. The correct answer was yes, you are gay," said Mokuba as Marik's treadmill hopped to level 2.

"I knew you were a fag," screamed Marik as he fueled with anger and had to walk faster. Mokuba went to Duke next.

"Duke. Where do babies come from?"

"What?! I'm not a sex education teacher and you're to young to be hearing stuff like that anyways," exclaimed Duke.

"Sorry loser, but that was incorrect. The correct answer was Wal-Mart," Mokuba said as he walked to Yugi's treadmill. Tristan began to walk faster.

"Yugi. How much does the average brain weigh?"

"3 pounds," replied Yugi. Bakura feared that Yugi had answered the question wrong.

"Wow! You are correct Yugi. Keep Bakura at level 1," replied Mokuba. Mokuba finally went to his brother's treadmill.

"Okay big brother. What animal has the biggest penis on the planet?" Kaiba turned to look at Odion.

"Tattoo face up there of course," replied Kaiba. Mokuba looked down at his own index card to check Kaiba's answer. Mokuba's eyes got big. Real big.

"I could have sworn it was the elephant or walrus, but it says Odion. Keep Odion at level 1."

"Okay, Now I will ask each of you a question about your partner. Mai. What is Tea's favorite animal?"

"Pancakes! Dirt! Eggs! That blasted toaster! Santa Clause," screamed Mai. Tea's treadmill began to throw sparks and fume smoke.

"Oh no! Mai made Tea's treadmill overload with all those answers. This cant be good," said Mokuba as he backed away from Tea's treadmill. Mai backed away from the treadmill.

"Mai! How could you get that wrong? My favorite animal is bread," screamed Tea. (Tea's treadmill explodes)! Mokuba looked over to Mai.

"I'm sorry Mai but it looks like you have been knocked out of the competition as well as Tea," said Mokuba as he walked away.

Flash to Mai in the Diary Room 

"That competition was so much fun. It was so funny to watch Tea's treadmill explode. And what was with that taco that ate Weevil? It was like a Taco Bell experiment gone rabid! I will never forget it. I hope Tea got a bang out of it! (Begins laughing)!

Flash back to the dreaded treadmills of doom and the giant taco that lives in battery acid 

"Okay Serenity. What is your brother's favorite duel monster?"

"Ohh! I think I remember this one! Its the Blue Eyes White Dragon," screamed Serenity with the biggest smile on her face. Kaiba busted into laughter.

"Why is he laughing," asked Serenity as she scratched her head.

"Serenity! That is HIS favorite monster! Mine is the Red Eyes Black Dragon," screamed Joey as he began to jog. Serenity's eyes watered up.

"Sorry Serenity. You should pay more attention to your big brothers cards. His is the Red Eyes Black Dragon. Speed Joey up to level 3," said Mokuba as he walked away from Serenity.

"Ishizu. What kind of deck does Mako use?"

"My necklace shall tell me the answer that I seek. Mako uses fairies," replied Ishizu. Mako began to pace faster.

"Sorry Shiz but the right answer was a water deck," Mokuba said as he walked past Keith on to Pegasus. Ishizu ripped her necklace off.

"This damn necklace is defective! I'll fix it," screamed Ishizu (Sledge hammer appears in Ishizu's hands). Ishizu began beating the necklace with the hammer. Ishizu swung the hammer around nearly striking Mako's treadmill.

"Watch where you swing that thing babe," screamed Mako as he nearly fell off the treadmill. Ishizu continued to beat the necklace. As Ishizu brought the hammer back down it flew from her hands and crashed into Marik's treadmill causing Marik to somersault into the battery acid (The giant taco rises from the acid to swallow Marik)!

"Marik and Pegasus have been eliminated," shouted Mokuba as he walked to Duke.

"Duke. Who cuts Tristan's hair?"

"Nobody. It's just a genetic mutation he had at birth. Kinda like some kids grow an extra finger, or toe, or arm; he grew this letter opener on his head," Duke answered.

"Oh my God. That is right. Keep Tristan at 2," said Mokuba as he went to Yugi.

"Yugi. What spirit inhabits Bakura's ring?"

"A Barbie doll," replied Yugi. Bakura almost fell off due to shock. (Yami Bakura emerges).

"Damn you pharaoh! I'll show you Barbie when I get off this freakin' treadmill," screamed Yami Bakura. Mokuba began to laugh.

"Nope! His spirit is an Egyptian prostitute," said Mokuba.

"I am not! I'm a tomb thief you ignorant fools," screamed Yami Bakura. Yami Bakura's ring began to glow.

"What is happening to me," screamed Tristan as his legs began to slow down. Yami Bakura had used the ring to curse Tristan. Tristan could no longer run and flew off the end of the treadmill into the acid (Excel rises out of the acid and pulls Tristan under)!

"Hail Ilpalazzo," screamed Excel as she pulled Tristan under the acid.

Flash to Serenity in the Diary Room 

"Poor Tristan! When I saw that he flew from the treadmill I wanted to save him but Joey is more important of course. Some crazy girl came out of the acid drowning Tristan in it. She was screaming something about hailing ill penguins or something. I think she was on medication."

Flash to the HOH competition 

"Ok big brother. It's your turn again. Is Odion supposedly related to someone in this house? And if he is then who?"

"That one caught me off guard. I say yes! He has to be related to Tea," hollered Kaiba.

"How dare you relate me to that toaster loving air head Kaiba," screamed Odion as his treadmill went to level 2.

"Sorry bro. He is actually related to that dick head named Marik. He claims to be Marik's step brother or adopted brother. I guess that makes him related to Ishizu too," said Mokuba as he glances over to Ishizu who is beating her necklace against the side of Mako's treadmill.

"Why won't this God damn piece of crap work? When I get out of here I'm taking this thing back to McDonalds to get a refund," shouted Ishizu. Mokuba walked back to the center of the yard.

"I'm tired of asking these damn questions so I'm gonna jack the speed of all the treadmills up to level 10 (max)! Have a nice workout," said Mokuba. Joey started running as fast as he possibly could.

"Oh no! Don't fall in that stuff Joey! I don't want that rabid girl who worships penguins to get you or that giant man eating taco," screamed Serenity as she held on to the edge of the treadmill.

"Tough it out Joey! You've been in worse jams than this," hollered Mai who was standing near Serenity.

"Ishizu! What the hell is going on? Did you do what Mai did to Tea? Oh crap! I think I'm flying! No! I mean I 'm falling," screamed Mako.

"You fall and I kill you," screamed Ishizu (iron mace appears in her hand).

"Holy shit! Never mind, I'll keep running," screamed Mako as his feet did the Flintstone effect.

"I can do this forever," hollered Yami Bakura. (Yami Bakura's treadmill catches on fire)!

"What is that smell," asked Yugi as he looked around in the air. Odion, whose treadmill was next to Bakura's, began to choke on the smoke from Yami Bakura's treadmill (Odion chokes on smoke and dies). Odion fell from his treadmill and into the acid (Hyatt rises from the acid and grabs Odion's head).

"Hail Ill.." (Hyatt dies on top of Odion). (The Giant Taco from Canada eats Odion and Hyatt).

"Help! I'm on fire," screamed Yami Bakura. Yugi turned to see that his friend was in a swarm of flames (Bakura bursts into a pile of ashes).

"Bakura? Bakura where did you go? This joke isn't funny," screamed Yugi as he examined the treadmill. Yugi picked up ashes from the treadmill.

"Is this crack," asked Yugi. Mokuba ran to the treadmill, shoving Yugi in the acid pool.

"CRACK! Where? Where," screamed Mokuba as he began to snort Bakura's ashes.

"Mokuba! That is the ashes of Bakura. It's not crack," yelled Mai.

"Shut the fuck up you dumb blonde," screamed Mokuba as he snorted more of Bakura. Mai was outraged (rocket launcher appears in Mai's hands). Mai aimed the rocket launcher at Mokuba.

"Prepare to die midget," screamed Mai as he prepared to pull the trigger. Seto Kaiba ran at Mai knocking the launcher in Joey's direction. The rocket launcher fired and the missile collided with Joey's treadmill. (Joey's treadmill explodes). Mokuba quit snorting Bakura.

"Ishizu and Mako are our two finalist. Now for the final question. Ishizu. Mako. How many Sailor scouts exist?"

"I say 8," exclaimed Ishizu. Mako began counting on his fingers.

"Negative 2," screamed Mako. Mokuba opened the golden answer card.

"There are all together 13 Sailor scouts including the original five, Minimoon, the three outer sailor scouts, Saturn, and the three sailor stars. Ishizu. You were the closest so you are the first HOH! Congratulations." Mokuba opened a box that had a gold key attached to a gold chain. On the key it had printed HOH. Ishizu slipped it on.

"Okay Macrocosm. Come resurrect everyone that died," yelled Mokuba (Macrocosm revives everyone and takes the treadmill and pool of acid away).

"What happened," asked Tea (Tea explodes).

"Mother fuck! Macrocosm! Resurrect Tea," screamed Mokuba as he ran out of the backyard and back into the Big Brother dome.

"Looks like Ishizu is HOH. This doesn't look good," said Marik as he walked into the house.

"Time for me to go to bed," exclaimed Pegasus as he followed behind Marik.

"How about we take a shower together you sexy thang," asked Pegasus as he grabbed Marik's ass.

"Thanks for tuning in to this episode of fuckin' Big Brother Yu Gi Oh! Tune in next fuckin' time to see the fuckin' Power of Veto competition and the fuckin' nomination for eviction. This is Mokuba signing off! Sayonara Mother fuckers!"

I hope everyone is getting kicks out of this reality series. Sorry for all the cursing but I feel it helps add emotion to certain characters. Isn't Mokuba so cute? Yeah, I know what you're thinking; Does he kiss Seto with that mouth? Yes the Giant Taco was from Canada. I was able to rent it from a Canadian priest who lives in a van down by the river. I'll try my best to hurry and finish the fourth episode. I plan for this series to be pretty long seeing how so many people have to be evicted. Keep submitting me your Reviews. I appreciate them all (except for the flames! All flames will be fed to a castrated Yak on steroids)! See ya!


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